listen

wish list.

2010-12-15T00:56:00.002+08:00

i only wish for one thing for christmas, is dat i can spend christmas with the person whom i really like together. there you go. this is what i want for christmas. can you give it to me ?

i think its impossible.

so here goes my other wish. i just don't want to be alone at christmas...

christmas

2010-12-10T23:29:00.000+08:00

i really dislike christmas... because it's the most lonely day...

whyyyy

2010-12-07T16:48:00.002+08:00

why is it always me that always got dumped around.

i dun feel that i am significant to anyone in my life.

they always look to me when they need me only. when we hav plan already but it clashes with somebody elses, it is always me who are the second one. if they got bailed by their friends then it will finally be my turn. all they say is "sorry"

what makes them think i deserve this kind of treatment?

but when i need someone, no one can come... even though i always put everyone first. but still, no one appreciate it...

just one person

2010-11-14T01:55:00.003+08:00

everytime when im on the stage, im always at the back where no one can see me. but deep down in my heart, i wish someone out there can see me... just one is enough... i don't ask for more. but until now... still no one... i am still waiting for this person to appear.

希望

2010-07-15T22:13:00.002+08:00

真的不知道你是为什么要给我希望。。。给了我希望就这样放着在那边。我却颇不期待的盼望着你的到来。可是，你又在一次的辜负了我的期望。我累了。。。我真的很累。。。

你知道吗。。。有些时候我觉得我应该要忘记你。可是每当我忘了你的时候你就出现在我的面前。我一直都把心里面的种子埋的好深可是你一直在那边浇水，有些时候还给我放肥料。

我真的很不希望着种子会变成一棵树。。。

untitled

2010-06-19T11:01:00.001+08:00

this is like paradise.
this is such a happy sight
its too dazzling for me
this is how everyone spend their time
it must be great
im jealous
if i disappear from here, can i start over?
will i be able to accept such an obvious happiness?
if i lost my memories and changed my personality, im sure i could.
but wat does it mean to be born again?
i would no longer be living my life
it would be someone else's
i only have one chance to have my life
and its right here, my heart.
its the only one i have,
this is my life
i can't give it to anyone else
it can't be stolen,
i can't force it on anyone or forget it or make it disappear or trample on it or laugh it or beautify it
i have no choice but to accept this one cruel meaningless life
do you understand, God?
this is why i will fight
i will continue fighting
because this kind of life...
is unacceptable.

=D

2010-02-05T18:06:00.002+08:00

there are meaningful words, there are pointless words and then there are words that hurt

2009-12-24T22:22:00.002+08:00

-wanted to buy a christmas tree, but thought that no one's gonna be home, so no point. might as well save money.

-wanted to buy groceries but working the whole day b4 christmas, also didn't hav time, the day b4 as well.

-wanted to cook dinner tonight, but too tired.

-wanted to find someone to hav dinner with, but didn't get to

2009-12-21T20:44:00.002+08:00

寂寞的聖誕節
正迎面而來
每當聽到朋友在說聖誕節要幹什麼
我都會覺得自己的心被他捅了一刀
他們都在跟家人慶祝
看到人家那麼開心
我也替他們開心
可是每當我一踏進我家門
會有一種說不出的感覺
這種感覺又不是沒嘗試過
是不是因為有過了,然後又失去了
才會覺得那麼痛苦...
如果是那樣的話...
我寧願不要有這種痛苦
我寧願不要嘗試這種有過的感覺
因為真的很痛...
我的聖誕節能跟誰慶祝呢?
...
='(

2009-12-20T22:27:00.001+08:00

i
...
will put u into a box,
under the christmas tree.
i will open it
when i have the courage to open it.

2009-12-09T14:19:00.001+08:00

ytd was considered as one of my best days. but at the same time, i feel sad as well. like something is squashing my heart. >.< i dunno why.... i really really dunno why. maybe i know but it won't happen. =(

2009-10-24T11:05:00.001+08:00

im scared... coz im going to be alone for tonight... can anyone help me ??? but i always hav to hide the feelings... so dat people will be happy too....

2009-10-07T18:16:00.002+08:00

sigh... why do i feel so stress atm ??? i guess there are a lot of things out there waiting for me to solve and do. one more important thing is, i haven't been studying at all. when i heard ppl hav been studying in the holz and seeing me always mucking around, i feel bad and sad. i hav this uneasy feelings. i guess i really should start settling now. no more party-ing and stuff.

i rmb this phrase. in some room from my schoool. it says "there's not elevator to success, there's only stairs, step by step to success. "

2009-09-25T17:37:00.001+08:00

我決定了,明年就會開始追你. =]

2009-07-08T10:59:00.001+08:00

there you go again....
i won't expect anything from u at all now.
just got ditched

2009-07-03T00:02:00.003+08:00

i thought my life went well without u
but u suddenly wanted to step in again
i dunno wat to do
i always think of u now
why did u do this to me ?
dun always step into my life whenever u want...
if u want to, plz make a commitment dat u won't ignore me again....
coz it really hurts...
after u step in then leave without saying anything....

should i let u step in again ???
or should i ignore u...
so dat i won't get hurt
i dunno....

2009-06-24T23:02:00.001+08:00

當人生踏出第一步時,
沒有人會鼓勵他,
沒人給他掌聲,
甚至不會有人發現,
這種痛苦你能瞭解嗎?

2009-06-10T21:13:00.001+08:00

just when i know how to fly a bit... and got too confident...
maybe the wind was too strong...
it broke my wings...
it hurts....

2009-06-03T13:16:00.002+08:00

last year. i worked for money to pay off the internet bills and phone bills.
consequences were my results turn out to be really bad.
now
i quit the job, no money to pay for my internet.
no money to pay for my phone bills
no money to pay for this and dat.
she doesn't give me allowance,
she only gave me $5 a week for bus fare
my net got suspended.
maybe i should go work again...

2009-05-27T22:30:00.003+08:00

you said, alvin, you're very good at convincing me not to do anything !
i was happy to hear that.
but not anymore...now, you think im nagging you...
i'm just trying to protect u... your wings won't be able to stand any long if u continue to hurt youselves...
you have leave me no choice
all i can do to u is to treat u the opposite how i used to treat u
lets hope that u'll wake up sooner...
not when ur wings are broken,
when your hurt,
when ur bleeding
then you finally wake up...
everything will be too late by then.

2009-05-05T20:35:00.003+08:00

i think.... this is my 1st time... its my 1st time so desperate of it... i wanna achieve high scores from now on. i want to get into uni ! i want to fly ahead ! just like my frens. they're already so up high in the sky ! but im still learning how to fly... they must also have been through lots of tough training and dats how they can fly up so high now... and now, i want to fly as well...and its time... for me to know how to fly as well...

2009-04-24T15:20:00.001+08:00

i must be really boring... sorry for asking everyone to come...
i feel bad, i thought it would be quite fun, but...it turn out really crap...
sorry...

2009-04-18T21:40:00.001+08:00

this post is specially for you, kean jin
bcoz you dun believe this blog is mine,
so i purposely post this post for ya.
hope u can now trust watever i say now...

ALvin.

2009-04-14T21:28:00.002+08:00

why do i have to keep pretending everything is alright when it's not

airytale doesn't exist,
it never did, never will.
not in my world anyway.

im really tired of all these...
but
who can i talkt to ???
no one actually understand the position i stand...
wat im thinking and the inside me...
i really feel sorry for the inside me... coz you never get to come out...
wat happens if i let u come out ???

anywayz...

i saw her eye... she gave me dat kind of sight,
i knew something bad's gonna happen...
and she gave me dat kind of look again...
the result was unpleasant...
im sorry, i failed again....
am i really the type dat can't study ???
wat should i do now...
where i will be in the future ???
if there's a book dat says when u will die,
i will do anything i want b4 dat... but.... its unknown...

no one knows wats gonna happen in the next step...
just one step wrong.. u mite not be able to go to the correct path again....

2009-04-08T22:05:00.002+08:00

if...

only if i've never met u, then i wouldn't be this sad.
if only i didn't see u, i wouldn't be so stressed and troubled

wat on earth is going on... why does this world make people so sad and stuff ???
is it bcoz we're all human, we have feelings...???

i know wat i just said doesn't make sense at all... but... i just feel really complicated, why can't friends be just friends ??? and we always have to care about each other, why do we have to considered about hate or dislikes ??? friends should be happy and crazy !! but... somehow... it doesn't seem to be dat way anymore....

2009-04-06T18:11:00.002+08:00

if there's something that u dun like about me, plz tell me, i will try to change, although i dun look happy about it but, it always is a "hit" when u tell me this kind of thing...

i will try to be a better person. i may be immature, so plz tell me straight, dun go around and shoot me. coz i mite not understand. so plz tell me... i will be more than happy to change... so... dun hate me or anything... i really dun want ppl to hate me, bcoz its a real pain dat i found out who doesn't like me.

ALvin.

2009-03-30T22:02:00.002+08:00

this is specially for you...

im sorry for being so aggressive to you
im sorry for being so immature to you
im sorry for being so helpless to you
im sorry for being mean to you
im sorry for not listening to you
im sorry for not taking ur advise
im sorry for always asking help from you
im sorry for asking a lot of stuff from you
im sorry for not thankful with wat you've done for me
im sorry for always talk back to you
im sorry for always back stabbing about you
im sorry for everything i've done wrong to you....
im sorry...
really really really
really
sorry
...
plz forgive me

ALvin.

2009-02-01T01:34:00.002+09:00

school is goin to start soon... like two days ??? and i hav so much problems !

i havn't got all my books, i mite go with empty bag,... im so gonna get busted...

i gained weight, for sure one lah ! and i wonder if i still can fit into my old uniformz...

my luggage is over weight as well, i can only take 25KG but i hav like 40KG !!! and more !!! so many bags man...

my bed room !!!! i think it must be so MESSY man, my bro must be rolling on my bed with so much clothes on it... sigh...

well, and i hav so much pressure dat i hav to get good results to cover wat i have't got for last yr's results, otherwise im so not gonna graduate high school, and i really wish i can get into UNI !!!! dats one of my hope as well...

may my hopes come true...

Friendship

2008-12-03T23:16:00.004+09:00

as time getting closer, a friend of mine is coming to my house. I couldn't feel any excitement nor nervousness. When he came, my mom said: Hey, he's here and i went: oh.

Our eyes were faced, i was the first one who moved my sight away from him and without a doubt, there's a distance between us. I used to treat him as my best friend and no matter how cold he treated me but I still give him a smile and talk to him as much as I could. Although I could only get less than 10 words in a sentence from him, but I still felt good because he replied.

But today, it was totally different from before. Is it bcoz i met some new cool friends? or is it bcoz we haven't seen each other for too long. Will the wall between us going to collapse or is it goin to get higher.

ALvin.

2008-11-19T21:21:00.002+09:00

today can be considered as if i've finished my exam... bcoz tmr hav ESL oral and day after hav Chinese. but meh, dun care about them anymore, can't really study also rite... anywayz today we watched movie at southlands. then after dat everyone went to Mac and hav fellowship. guess wat happened ??? my mum called, and she asked me where am i, i told her, im at southlands just finished watching movie. she was like, OMG ! u haven't even finished ur exam yet and now ur telling me ur watching movie !? i told her, no lah, im kinda finished already. she was like, SIGH ! now u can do watever u want already lah !. i was really "something" when i heard this. and i told my frenz as well. they all laughed. and monica is really smart, she told thier parents like dat too but thier parents kinda hav different reaction. maybe bcoz thier parents know dat she will definitely scored high marks one and stuff. and for me, my parents know dat im doin pretty bad so they kinda hav diffrent oppinions.

if only im really smart ! will things change 360 degree ??? or still remain the same ??? i bet it will definitely changed... but still, they always see the bad side of us... never seen the good one. although they did, they still want to find something BAD just wanna mock us can already !!!! is there any parents dat will actually say, OMG ! u've done a really good job son !!! i really doubt dat...

ALvin.

thank you....

2008-11-07T15:54:00.002+09:00

im in a need of employment... so i got called up and didn't even go to the interview but they straight away ask me to work. so i did. they put make upz on me, they also changed my clothes, i was totally lost =.='' then i heard ppl were practicing but i was doin something else that the boss asked me to do it. when it comes to the real thing, i started to get nervous. i heard someone was singing Apologies, but then after few secs, someone pushed me from behind, so i was on the stage and i started singing as well. i saw the dancers dance REALLY well !!!!! and i didn't know the transision so one of the dancer slowly guide me, ppl would think that its meant to be like dat. but suddenly, i totally forgot the lyrics !!!! but the guy who was singing at the begining helped me, we sang together after dat.

when we finished, i slowly went to the back stage and saw my boss lady. i think she gave me an unsatisfied look. but as i was walking into the door, there was a girl who was trying to draw someone's face, i saw the drawings, it was a lady, but the eyes are way to "not good looking" so i told her, ur drawing isn't dat good, maybe u should be more experienced 1st. it's kinda mean, i know, but her face was like 'WOW' maybe no one ever said dat to her. dats why. everyone would just compliment her !!!! but she still sticking along when i got near the door, i quickly ran to the door and close it not to let her in, but i kena my finger... well, my boss is a taiwanese, can't speak really well english and chinese, only taiwanese, so i start learning, when the door smashed my finger, and yelled !!! HOU TIA ! she was so shocked, coz i think she gave me an unsatisfied look just now after so many mistakes. she suddenly looked so weird, and asked me, what did u say ??? i said hou tia... she asked "why" again, i said, bcoz... i start learning this dialect in order to communicate with u, she was like ' so ur learning taiwanese bcoz of me !? ' she was so happy though. hahha and i asked her, how did i do ??? she was like OK OK OK LAH !!! quite happy to hear dat.

so i went to get changed. i didn't know dat all the dancers were THAT huge !!!! they're all like 9 feet tall, i was like wow.... but they suddenly told me dat, NO ! we got wear something one. ohhhh.... i said. then i looked for the guy who helped me during the stage, he guided me, and i finally saw him !!! i thanked him SOOO much. i was really shy when everyone was naked except the underwear was on. yea....

their still a lot more additional info. i will add here cbb to edit the post above
-everyone thought it was finished, so everyone quickly went to the back stage, i took off my mini mic, but then, when everyone heard the music started again, i mean started the continued one, not repeated. everyone was panic !!!! so did i. i was like staright away went up to stage again and holding the mini mic to sing !!! hahahai know... so funny
- the stage was REALLY REALLY nice !!!!! its like, a circle, but with only two exits, then, it looks really luxury !!!! yea... just nice lah !!!!
- the audience were wearing like dresses and suits, HAWT onel eh !!!!
-the dancers were meant to pair up. everyone single pair are the same. each pair got two person rite, one pear wear something like jail one, anther one wear soomething like, all black but two hands hav the really shinny green big blove on. the dance was AWESOME !!!! to the max

yea... then i smiled, thank god... for giving me such a dream... its could be a message from u lord... i smiled. everything there seemed almost to be the same as my real life. the performance was screwd, just like my exam i just had, the nervousness as well. the dance, i love dancing,the lady was saying idid OK maybe its an answer from u that i did OK in the exams. the words i spoke to the girl, the drawing one, is dat i need to study more !!!

ok... maybe there's more... hehehe u guys can analyse urself lah :D

ALvin.

2008-11-05T20:32:00.002+09:00

today, seeing my frenz getting all the excellence awards.... seeing my fren got nominated as a school councilor.... see my fren taking chem test and struggling and saying they r going to hav a real hard time to study...

Fren A, got the TOP WA maths comp, i think ?? something like dat lah, got the TOP 0.03% like highest there lah...

Fren B, got nominated as a school councilor

Fren C,D,E,F,G got money award, councilor, a lot of certs

sometimes i really do envy them !!! which is also jealous lah... i really hope there's one day i could go up there and get an excellence award and hearing all the cheerings from my frenz...

imagine if i was the one there ??? i will be SOOO proud of myself dat i could laugh and be high for the WHOLE day, but for them, it seems to be nothing... they didn't even look so happy, maybe they've already got ENOUGH of those stuff... dats why =.=. which is too many of them already !!! since u guys got so many rite, why not give some to me ??? or even giving chance ????

i know im being so selfish dat asking ppl to give other ppl chance... but ppl think they DESEREVE it...

ALvin.

Friendship

2008-11-05T01:15:00.002+09:00

im sure everyone here as a fren. sometimes, they're even ranked as, normal fren, good fren and best fren ! when it comes to best fren, its really frustrated. u mite think that person as ur best fren but how about that person ??? would he think u as his best fren as welll ???? imagine if u go up to ppl and say dat HEY ! he is my BEST fren, and then ur BEST fren told the other guy like some different answers, lets say, he is just my "normal" fren. isn't it funny ??? i think, it has to be like BGR dat kind as well, two parties must agree with each other and acknowledge 1st, otherwise its going to turn out very sad...

i've been calling a lot of ppl as my besties, but would they think as im thier best fren as well ???

ALvin.

2008-11-05T00:04:00.002+09:00

exams are coming... haven't actually started studying.... i really wanted to study... but... its really hard to concentrade when its still not coming... i will always think that, oh wellz, still got how many days ! and then ! the nite b4 ! and regreting of why shouldn't i study !!!??? and i never learn the lessons.... so... i decided "again" start by tmr, will start studying, but i really dun hav any confidence within myself... coz, i've been failing subjz, and only just nice passed some tests... maybe im really not dat kind of person who can study. especially econs, this sub is the worst one, i really hav already given up of this sub, well, sorta. coz, i think one of the reason is i cannot get to the point, the even the teacher said that i my essays are too broad, i wish to improve, i wish that i can write as good as other ppl... even my chinese essays as well... my fren monica said, i keep on rounding the same thing over and over again... and in the end, only got one point and i talked so much non sense... this sat, i mite be going to practice for dance... i personally wanted to dance so desperately, when the chance is there, should i go or not... at the same time, i should be helping one of my leader to paint thier house ! im really a indecisive person... its soo hard to choose between these three... studying? dancing? or helping leader to paint his house... imagine if i got a job as well ??? i hav been owing a lot of money... my mum didn't give me allowance as well... wat should i do ??? im totally lost... if i go dancing, i hav to go to that particular church regulary, which means, i hav to miss some days of spending time with oxygen youth... also, dat church, i dunno a lot of ppl there, and im a paranoid person as well, i think that the ppl over there will not like me, just bocz they will think that i go their church bcoz of dancing... a traitor??? i guess. i wish i can manage my own things in a very good way, but, as u can see, its hard. i've already helped my leader painting his house, last week, if i dun go this week, he mite think dat, im regreting helping him or stuff like dat... both of these are happening of the same day, this sat. which one should i go ??? i think, im rounding again.... sigh !!!!!! or should i study ???? or should i work ????(only if i got a job by dat day though)

ALvin.

they dun really understand me...

2008-04-30T18:41:00.000+08:00

today, i got my assignment back, i reckon i did pretty well because i got 70%!!!!! man, its really hard to get those marks ok... but then we never had a test in ESL so i would just take it as my test mark. i was so happy again ! but then when i reached home, i couldn't tell them wat i got, because they said dat i dun need to tell them wat i got, so i didn't. im just holding it !!!! oh well, nvm. one thing im REALLY REALLY angry about is, today, my teacher asked me whether my parents are coming for the meeting or not, it will be held by two days later, i told him that, they are not coming, i think they r busy, but i REALLY did tell my mum b4 !!! my teacher asked me the house phone number, and i told him but again, i told him that my mum won't be home most of the time so i gave him her mobile phone number, then i thought my mum would still remember but when my teacher rang her, she said that she didn't know about it, and she came home to tell me about dat, i was like wat the HELL IS THIS !!??? i told u b4 !!! rmb !!!?? she was like when? how come i dun rmb ??? i was like, it was like SO MUCH EARLIER B4 !!! she was like, oh well, i forgot already, but im meeting him at 3.00p.m. i was so mad ! b4 i told my teacher that she is NOT COMING like dunno how many times already, but now, she screwed up everything. but also, my mum said she couldn't made it at 1st. dats wat happened !!!! now i think the teacher won't trust me ANYMORE !!! he will think that im a bad boy, he wouldn't trust me FROM NOW ON !!! just bcoz of dat stupid mum !!!! i was so angry ~~~~i really wanted to cry, but she acts like she cares about it

why does she NEVER understand about my feelings ??? she never wanted to, she only wants to do the things that she wanted to !!!! that is just so unreasonable, and i thought, i think even thought i got 100% for every subjects, it no use already... they won't care....they dun CARE ABOUT IT !!!!! i hate this kind of family !!!! how come they never understand how i feel ??? no body understands me...is there anyone ???im going to cry ~~~~hur~~hur~~~~

什麽都不懂。。。

2008-04-30T18:23:00.000+08:00

今天，我拿到了我的會計成績回來。我拿到81.5% 我原本以爲我不會拿得那麽高的，只期望拿到60多而已。可是，當我拿到我的成績的時候，我卻拿了這麽高的分數，真是難以相信哪！我也可以拿到這種分數！！！我都快要哭出來了。可是，當我回到傢的時候，我高興的，興奮的重回家裏告訴我外婆，說我今天的了81.5% 她就有點不滿意似的，然後我又聽到我外公說，CHEY !!!才拿81.5% 至少要拿個90多分以上的！如果我去拷的話，我一定會拿超過90%以上的。我就很不高興地說 “那麽厲害怎麽沒看見你拷個博士回來啊！！！還在那裏拍報紙!” 真是氣死我了！我那麽辛苦的K書，你們卻那麽得不上臉，而且還在那裏嫌我拷得不夠好！我真得很不爽！他們就說我是個很小氣的人！我就在想，拜托，是人都回生氣吧！他們還是再説個不停，然後就說，那以後都不要告訴我們你拿到什麽分數了！我就說，好啊！

他們這些是什麽人啊！？？？我只是盼望他們說些讚揚我的話而已，就好像要他們的命這樣！算了，我以後都不要告訴她們我的幾分了！

you'll never understand

2008-04-23T18:56:00.000+08:00

i think most of the parents in the world won't understand how a student feel when they got good or bad resutls.

i, as a great example. i know dat im not so smart that i can score like the top among the class nor the whole year. i know dat i am not dat good at convincing my parent about how i got such bad result, which is 6/50 for math test. this test was the second test, the 1st test, i got 80% but she didn't say anything, all she said was, is dat all ??? when i heard dat i got 80% i was SOOOO HAPPY, bcoz dat test, i didn't study at all, only when i heard the test was on such particular day and i just studied on dat day some more, the teacher didnt teach as about dat test at all, we hav to figured out by ourselve, which i got it on dat day. i was lucky enough to scored 80% but my mum wasn't satisfied, she said, u still dare to tell me dat u ONLY study on the day when you've got test !? i got busted, but nvm i was happy bcoz got 80%(P.S. im working as well !!! no time to study !!!, i didnt tell her about dat bcoz i dun wanna lose a job and i need money)

then i the second test was coming up, i knew which day and i studied a bit, i was going to take tuition, but i didn't know my tutor went back to m'sia so i coudln't hav a tuition with him, so i hav to study on my own. one day, i went through the WHOLE thing which the test is going to be on, and i read it as well, i thought it was alrite. but i STUDIED !!! when the test was coming on dat day, i went through three chapters with a fren in the morning! i took the test as it goes. when i got it back, i thought i would at least pass the test but i didn't, i only got 6/50 i was DAMN SHOCKED !!!! i was really upset, i didn't even dare to tell my mum about dat but i still hav to tell her when i told her, she was like no comment. but when she received a letter of concern from my school, she SHOUTED OUT LOUD !!! i was like wat? she was so mad i told her dat i've already told u about it early b4, she never listened to me, she didn't care, she ask me to quit the job, and concentrade on study, i didn't say anything but i was worried about the money, coz i knew dat she wouldn't give me pocket money, only like when she in a good mood but RARELY !!!

when the third test was coming up, i've already quit my job, and more focus on my study, i got 28/38. i was so happy as well, i told my teacher, can u plz let me know my result b4 the holidayz ? he goes like no, i haven't started to mark ur class yet, and i told him agian, i need to know, otherwise i wouldn't be able to go out during the holidays ! (i was confidence enough to trust myself dat i would get quite a good job on this test) and teacher gave me his website, and i can check my score during the holidayz. when i saw i got 28/38 i was SOO happy as well !!!! and i told my mum, she didn't hav any expression, only said, its not as good as the 1st one, i told her, but i got quite high ! 28/38 !!! its only got 10 marks differnce, but she was too ignorence to understand about it, so still goes like, its only 73% i was like, wat do u think ur son is??? smartie huh ? if i was dat smart, i wouldn't get 6/50 already !!!! i thought, she should be happy dat i got 28/38 and appriciate it ! but still, she didn't i was so upset about it, dats why i say she never understands about me...

then, today, one of my fren came here to hav a hair cut, my mum was doing the hair cut thing, but i was out to city, i went there only for like 3 hrs ??? it was quite short but when i came home, and i know my fren was still there, so i was acompany him and my mum suddenly talk about my score, she only talks about my BAD stuff, and she told me dat she is going to tell EVERYONE dat alvin chong got 6 only, she didn't wat to say i got 6/50 at least i it would be high like 12% and she just keep teasing me, and only talk about 6 !!!!! she would never thought dat i got 28/38 after dat !!!! she wouldn't want to tell ppl dat !!!! only says 6, so, i am stupid huh ?? i know i am stupid, but could u plz dun insult ppl ilke dat ??? at least say it in a better way !!!!

i got quite angry about dat, i was mad, then after she finihsed, i went to the living room, and sat on a sofa watching tv, and holding a pillow, she was like, u dun hav the right to hold dat pillow, bcoz its mine, and i was like, fine then ! and she kept saying stuff like, hav u showered ? if not, dun sit on MY sofa, dun put ur leg on the sofa as well. i was like, wat the hell was dat for man, so everything is urs ! as if i wanna sit here now ! and i quickly went into my room and thinking, why dun u just kick me out then ! ***ch !!!!

your suck !!!

2008-04-16T21:50:00.001+08:00

~!@#$%^&*(@#$%^#$%^& !!!! MAN, im soooooooooo ANGRY !!! my hav a bro, elder ones. he wore my new, fav shoe to work TODAY !!! OH MY GOSH !!! i just can't stand this kind of ppl man !!!! he wears dat to work for wat ???? nobody is going to see him or something and he is on his uniform, like the hell ppl would look at him and yet he is wearing my freaking shoes to work !!!! he as his OWN shoes as well, he has two pairs of them, one of them was bought at the same time as mine, and its still looks good BUT ! he doesn't want to wear his own shoes. i even asked him why r u wearing my shoes, he goes like, oh, mine one is already broken. and i said don't hav TWO pairs of shoes !!??? he reamin silence, which means another pair of them aren't BROKEN !!! yet he still wanna wear mine and he said, wat... bu suang ah !? i was like of coz !!! this is MY shoes, not yours and how dare u even talked back to me with anger !!!???

I HATE HIM SOOOO MUCH !!!!

this is not the 1st time already u know !!!! like my new shirts ! well, he doesn't hav as many shirts as i do but !!! i would lend him, last time, i bought some new shirts and he wore ith without asking, i was SOOO PISSED OFF !!! and dat kind of shirt, u can wash is washing machine, must use hands, i even told him b4 he showered, but STILL !!! he just threw it into the busket dat all shirts r going to be washed with washing machine !!! i was smart enough to check whether he would throw into it or not, which he did !!!! and then i washed it with my OWN HANDS !!! but when the next time he is wearing it again, he didn't throw it into the busket but just leave it hanged !!!! after some several days, its still there i asked him, r u going to wash it OR NOT !? he goes like, oh, im going to wear it again, i said does dat mean u dun need to eat today bcoz u ate already yesterday !? he didn't say anthing, and i washed it !!!

sometimes, he knew dat grany would sometimes put our shirts into wrong carbordm, and dat shit man, knew dat wasn't his shirt, and he wear it and i asked why r u wearing my shirt again !!??? he goes like, i dind't know it was urs, plus this is in MY carbourd and so, this is belong to me from now on !!!

man, how could he be like dat!? and i dun really like to let him wear my shirts bcoz he always spay diodarant, linx !!! dat smells disgusting !!!! and he has armpit smells as well ~~~ grosss ~~~

i wanna kill him SOO badly !!!! i never ever go into his room, ask for anything not even A THIING !!!! he even asked whether i used the speakers or not, i was like yes, but he still take it to borrow them to HIS friends !!!! i was like wth ! he lend my stuff to HIS friends!!!!(although i know them as well) but still !!!~!! dat is my stuff !!!! hur~~~hurr~~~~

HOPE U CAN MOVE OUTT !!!!!

when a kid needed money

2008-04-14T23:12:00.000+08:00

today, i kinda had a fight with my mother. i ask her for some money about $50 and she says, why would i give u money ??? i was like, bcoz i need it, bcoz im going out tmr and so, i need money to spend. i dun even hav $5 in my wallet so i insisted of having some money off her. she still dun give it to me, after one hr, i asked again, would u plz give me some money ?? she was like, only $20. i said wat about $40 ? still $20, i was like $30 ? no, $25. i remain silence... and she added $5, so she just gave it to me and i took. i was really frustrated when i got my room. she was saying i still haven't paid ur phone bill yet which was 110, i owed u $65 and and u hav to pay the rest, i didn't say anything, and i was thinking, i would pay u if only i had money, but i dun ! i dun work anymore !!! plus im a student, while i was working, i always failed my test but when i quit, i passed all the test, this always happened when i worked, so passed this time and i told her, its really really hard for me, if i had money right now, i wouldn't come to u and asking for moeny, if i hav a job, i wouldn't owed u $50, so i shouted out all the those thoughts i had in my mind, she didn't say anything, she doesn't know i had been through a third degree... all she knows was only, i passed the test this time, and i failed last time, and i used to work but not anymore. i think she onlys has dat kind of thoughts. so i wanted her to know, it is truly, really hard to handle both at one time, no body will help me if i was struggling with my school works and they didn't know i always felt really stressful while im working bcoz i always didn't do well, although i did well, i will still get busted. i really hate working, i would prefer to focus on studying at the moment.

she says now is holiday, u can work ! i told her dat, holiday doesn't mean i dun hav any homework which means i need to study, but she says dat all i saw was dat ur just waching tv, play computer and not studying. i was like, u never know, your always going out and ignoring wat im actually doing...

she really doesn't know much about me, all she knows was i dind't do anything, and when i passed the exams, she wasn't around to share wat kind of feelings i hav, she is always not around... i really do hope dat she would look more deeper of things i do and things i can't do...

i also thought dat, this is only my 1st time asking money for outing, and the 1st time only, shes already nagging so much about it bcoz i had work, so i didn't ask any money from her, but when i worked, she would ask me to give her $200 monthly so i did. but now, i only ask her a quater amound of money dat i gave here, only $50, she couldn't even give me the whole amount, she is just sooooooo something !!!! i really dislike it, she thinks dat i never study, never do homeworks, but i did ! she just never know ~~~

when my granparents saw this happened, they each gave me $20, i was like no ~ u shouldn't give me money, and my mum still says dat dun pretend dat u dun need it and yet u still take it, i didn't actually take it bcoz they just leave it on my table and walked away quickly, so i couldn't hav a chance to give it back, and i was thinking, you shouldn't give me money, only my mum give me money, and yet she didn't !!!!

oh well... i really dunno how to express my feelings through words... but... hope u all understands wat im talking about and i know i repeated something a lot of times, lol hahah